Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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