She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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