You're completely useless in the revolution.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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