would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i came on her dog
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
