omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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