I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize