i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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