I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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