She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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