she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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