he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
