i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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