You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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