the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
