At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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