Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
