I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
