I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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