I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
