having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
