Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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