Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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