Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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