theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
