Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
