I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Randomize
