just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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