You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
