Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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