Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize