I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
