i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
