I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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