I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
