you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize