Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
