so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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