i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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