hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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