we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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