watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
