Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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