I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
bring money and cleavage
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
