Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
