you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
