I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
