Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Terrible idea I love it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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