I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
