This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
