I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
