Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
