What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
