Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
