It's Friday. Sex?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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