i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
