I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
