Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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