i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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