im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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