i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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