Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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