Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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