we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
