I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
