I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
