Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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