someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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