I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im holly from the hills drunk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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